Farm Raised Parenting

A couple of new terms came into my sight this past week.  Helicopter parenting and Free Range parenting.  Most of you know immediately what I am referring to, but in case you don't I'll summarize.

 Helicopter parents are those parents that hover over their children in every aspect and moment of their lives.  They are the ones doing the homework, scheduling "play dates", organizing afterschool activities, and generally living their kids lives for them.  We didn't have a cute name for them but I have known a few of these parents.  When my kids were struggling through their 4-H projects there were the kids whose projects always won grand champion.  We knew their parents painstakingly wrote every project book and finished every project.  In spite of this these children grew up to be responsible, productive adults.

Free-Range parents are just the opposite.  They tend to let their children experience the world with little adult supervision and interference.  We knew a few of those parents back in the day, too.  They were the ones whose children roamed the streets, settled their own arguments, and spent a lot of time in my back yard.  Yet, they are now caring, self-sufficient, hard working adults. 

Both of these factions loudly decry the other's methods of child-rearing and proclaim the ruination of the children involved.  Extremes are never good.  I've seen children that were so ignored that I yearned to "mother" them myself.  I also had a college president tell me of a mother who descended on his office because her son wasn't being treated fairly by his professor! 

Personally, I think the kids that will rule the world are the Farm Raised children.

Farm kids get the best of both types of parenting.  They are exposed to a lot of "get out there and get it done" attitude that puts them on their own but by the very nature of farming are taught and supervised by their parents who are working along with them.  Farm kids get a lot of responsibility and challenges but they also get lots of support.  In the process they learn......

They learn problem solving.  Take the time that our son learned to milk a cow.  He was about 12-13 years old and had helped his dad deliver a fine heifer calf.  Unfortunately, the cow decided she didn't want to be a mother and refused to let the calf nurse.   Knowing that the early colostrum is natures perfect baby food, Hubby put the cow in the chute and milked her out.  (Old dairy farmers never forget how.)  This was a beef cow, not a gentle dairy cow, and she didn't like it, but they managed.  The next day, son decided that he would do this chore himself.  I arrived at the barn later, to see how he was progressing, and nearly choked on my giggles.  He had managed to get her in the chute, but every effort to milk her had resulted in a kick, tail swipe, or head toss.  To stabilize her he had tied every available appendage to something.  She was pretty well hog-tied but son was getting a little of the precious milk.  He learned a lot of things that day, not the least of which was the value of powdered calf starter (milk) and a bottle.

They learn self-sufficiency.  Moving to the farm meant leaving city water and learning to live on a small cistern.  With teenagers and cattle to water, we were constantly running out of water.  One Friday, after a full afternoon of working cattle our daughter hurried to the house to shower for a Friday night date.  Working cattle is a filthy job which always involves lots of manure.  It's amazing how far they can sling a tail full of manure.  I stopped her as she headed for the stairs.  "We're out of water.  I've called for a load and we are on the list, but I don't know when they will get here!"  In total disbelief she stomped upstairs to her room only to reappear moments later and head outside.  I thought she was probably heading out to vent her frustration.  When I checked on her out the window I spotted her hauling a five-gallon bucket and a rope from the barn.  She marched over to the cistern cover, muscled off the lid, tied the rope to the bucket and lowered it down into the water.  She then strained to haul the bucket out and triumphantly carried her supply to the house.  She left for her date scrubbed and clean. 

They learn perseverance.  Soon after our son got his drivers license he started begging to drive the truck and gooseneck trailer.  He was a good driver (farm kids learn early) but maneuvering a 16 foot trailer is a tricky business.  Finally, one day Hubby told him to back the gooseneck up to the barn and load the supplies for the cattle show that afternoon.  Early that morning he hooked up the truck and trailer and proceeded to the barn.  Backing it into the barn involved turning around on a circle drive and backing it into a straight off-shoot.  He had the trailer everywhere.  In the drive, in the field, in the yard, sideways, backward and nearly crossways.  He spent most of the morning pulling out and backing up.  At long last it was backed perfectly into the barn opening.  He'd used a tank of gas, worn all the grass off the top of the hill, and wasted hours but he has never had a minutes trouble backing a truck and trailer up again.  In fact he's about the best at it I've ever seen, now. 

They learn to prioritize and meet deadlines.  Hubby had a habit of giving everyone a list of chores to do each day as he left for work.  He would carefully outline what each needed to accomplish before he came home so they could begin his nightly jobs.  The kids learned that if they stayed at the house I would nag them about their chores.  So they would announce that they were headed for the barn to "work".  Once there they would laze away the day playing cards on an overturned bucket, hunting the new litter of kittens,  telling stories, or teaching the dog tricks (a long and unsuccessful campaign) until they had just enough time to frantically launch into their chores and complete them before Hubby arrived.

They learn to delegate.  Believe me they learned quickly how to delegate an unwanted job onto the other one..either by bribes, threats, or coercion.  On the other hand they also learned that joining forces can get the jobs done quicker and easier.

They learn empathy for other living things.  On a farm every animal depends on the humans for their care and feed.  Farm kids learn early to watch for signs of sickness or impending birth, as well as, sparkling good health.

They learn that life is full of challenges...some you can overcome and some you can't.  They also learn that sometimes you don't win.  Your calf may die, the crop may wither in the drought, or the market price might fall. 

The farm teaches them decision making, responsibility, and determination.  On a farm you learn that working together, cooperatively, accomplishes what one person can't do alone.

Pretty good traits for going out in the world and making a difference.  Personally, I want my leaders to have a good dose of "Farm Raised" mentality.

A Week in Paradise

We have a young friend whose job takes him to Hawaii two or three times a year (yeah, I know, it is tough what some people endure just to earn a living!).  He has often suggested that we come along and we would all make a vacation of it.  "I'll take my vacation time and other than a couple of days that I will be tied up in meetings we'll be free to explore Hawaii."  The clencher was that he could poll the teachers he worked with for suggestions on lodging, food, and sights.  The lure of an "insiders" trip was too much for even Hubby to resist. 

When asked what we wanted to see Hubby responded "farms" and I answered "beaches".  So, plans were made to stay on the beach and see farms.  (Yes, there are farms in Hawaii...from tiny mountaintop ranches to huge commercial farms.)

After traveling across the United States, Pacific Ocean and six time zones we arrived at bedtime sometime around 30 hours later. 

We sent a picture the next morning of us standing in front of the view of the golden beach and blue ocean from our balcony.  Our daughter texted back: "Glad you got there safely.  Daddy looks a little grumpy. "

"The trip was lo-o-ong!  Don't know that I will ever get him back on the plane.  We may have to stay!"

"HaHa!" she replied.

The trip was wonderful.  Our friends were terrific tour guides, filling our days with all the sights and adventures of Maui.  We went from beaches to mountains, from cities to peaceful, tiny villages, from parking lot flea markets to beautiful craft markets, from mountain top farms to acres of sugar cane.  We spent a day touring Honolulu and Pearl Harbor. We ate wonderful food in a variety of beautiful, beach front restaurants and a few special spots only the "locals" knew about.
 
Sent the kids pictures of our breakfasts from a beautiful beach front restaurant.  "This is the life.  Don't know how we will leave."  Reply:  "Glad you are having fun!"

Sent pictures of picturesque beaches and turquoise waters.  "We wake up every morning to this view.  We could really get used to it."  Reply: "Well, don't get too used to it.  The temperature is supposed to drop here."

Sent pictures of romantic beach front dinners by tiki torch light, sporting orchids in my hair.  "I think this could be a great retirement home."  Reply:  "Sure, Mom."

Sent pictures of beach house with for sale sign in front.  "What do you think?" Reply:  "Mom, Dad will never go for that!"  Mom: "Who do you think is finding the houses?" 

After several days of this our daughter texted our son:  "I think they may actually be serious.  What do you think!"  His reply: "Book your tickets! Christmas in Maui!" 

We did come home.  I have a lovely tan which no one will ever see since it has been covered with jeans, socks and sweatshirts since I came home.

Hubby now knows enough about growing sugar cane to start cropping. 

We discovered that cows that graze on grasses up to their knees year round are fat as butterballs.  (And they don't have to bale hay in Hawaii!)

We learned that the Hawaiian language is made up of lots of vowels and "h's", "p's" and "k's".  Aloha is hello and good-by.  Mahalo is thank you.  Our condo was on Hoohui  Dr. just off Lower Honoapillani Road in Kahana, Maui.  I was lost the whole time because my brain just couldn't remember the places.  My attempts at pronunciation garnered giggles and eye rolls from the locals.

We found that sleeping with the surf crashing outside your door is as good as sleeping under rain beating on a tin roof.

We also discovered it's fun to shake up your kids every now and then.