A Time of Memories

We have just finished one of life's saddest tasks. My mother-in-law, a sweet, former elementary music teacher, has advanced dementia. For the past seven years she has had to have constant help. We have gone from hiring "sitters" around the clock to now putting her in a private home. We strongly feel that with the advanced stage of her dementia she would not be easy to care for in a nursing home setting. She simply cannot be left alone and must be fed on her schedule when she will eat. So a one on one situation is best for her.

However, this is certainly not the most inexpensive way to provide care for an elderly person. Since she is no longer living in her home and her expenses keep mounting, we have made the decision to sell her home. This means dividing up the household goods and cleaning out a lifetime of collected memories. This is especially painful since she is not gone, just not aware of what is going on.

For the past several weeks we have been sorting through old pictures, letters, awards, music books, keepsakes from her children's school years, and other memories. The decision on what to keep and what to toss out has been heartrending. I want to keep everything but realize that I am just creating a nightmare for my children when the time comes to clean out my "stuff". Just how many boxes of old pictures can you keep? Especially when no one knows who they are anymore. Yet, how can you just toss the memories of a lifetime? What about her mother-in-law's party dishes? Her mother 's collection of delicate handkerchiefs? The fancy aprons (now sadly stained) that her sister made for her each Christmas?

The memories of long gone relatives hung over our shoulders while we sorted and decided. I hope they approve of the decisions we made. They certianly weren't made without a lot of soul searching and thought. I hope our children appreciate the history of the things that we kept. I know they have brought me tender memories of a lovely lady who welcomed me into the family and became my mother. She may not recognize me now, but she will always have my heart. I am blessed to be able to return some of the love and care she gave to me. Thanks for the memories.