Raising Kids

This morning I read an article on "helicopter parents".  That is, parents that hover over and around their children, solving every problem, providing every reminder, supplying accolades and criticism, well into adulthood.  It reminded me that with the job of parenting there are no text books, strict rules, or perfect answers.  We all do the best we can and pray that somehow we manage to raise children that aren't too warped.  We certainly didn't do everything perfectly (especially in our kids eyes) but one thing we did do was enjoy the process and have fun.

We tried to prepare our children for the fact that when they left home they would be on their own.  We didn't have cell phones for constant texting and calling, but they knew that we would always answer the land line if they called.  This being said, there were lots in our family that thought I would probably go to college with my daughter.  We were close with both our children, but my son, being more like me, was also more likely to butt heads with me.  He also knew all the right buttons to push to make me go ballistic, and delighted in watching the show.   My daughter, being more like my husband, knew exactly how to get what she wanted by being extra nice, by the age of two.

As she grew older, she developed a charming personality, quick laugh, wicked sense of humor and was direct to a fault.  She became my favorite shopping companion because she was the only one who would walk off and leave me in a sea of purses examining every pocket, zipper, size and color for the "perfect one".  Knowing, full well, that at the end of my wallowing, I would probably talk myself out of buying one.  She also understood my compulsion to try on twenty things to find one that "fit".  (She on the other hand buys by style because they all fit perfectly!)

After her wreck, I became the one who sat with her through hours of daytime television--a true test of motherly devotion--while she healed and regained her independence.  When she returned to college that fall, hubby was pretty sure I would sleep by her bed, like a faithful dog.  Not me--I knew she would kick me out like a smelly old hound. 

The problem with raising independent children is that they want to be independent!  That doesn't mean that they don't want your approval, love, support and cheers, but they want to live life on their own.  It isn't an easy process but it is rewarding.  All we can do as parents is stand back and be ready to encourage and console.  The good news is that, as I've told my kids, "When you are 75 and I'm 99, I will still be your mom and can tell you what I think you should do!"  Maybe they'll listen then.