The Pie Man

Every community has it's own characters--some just take a little more getting used to than others.

Our daughter had been living in her new home in Iowa about a year when she met one of the more exotic characters of the area.

She was at home one day when the dog announced the arrival of a truck in the drive.  Having been raised with the open door hospitality of a rural area, she hurried to the door to see who her visitor was.  With something close to awe she watched her visitor climb out of the truck, her startled gaze taking in the details from his size 14 work boots, to the enormous girth, clad in denim bib overalls and red flannel shirt.  Topping it all was a long, bushy beard and a head full of wild hair with a seed corn "gimmy" hat perched on top.  Piercing eyes looked out like a wolverine from a bush.  Suddenly he shouted, "Who the HELL are YOU!"

Hanging on to the threads of her hospitality she responded with her husband's name.  This met with no sign of recognition so she tried her universally known and liked father-in-law.  Her visitor's head popped up and he roared, "That goddammed son-of-a-BITCH!"  Totally flustered now, she just looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights.  With no more ado, he marched to the back of the truck and demanded, "Well, what kind do you want?"  "K-kind?" she stammered.  He looked at her with a pitying look and said, "Yeah.  Apple, blackberry, pecan, peach--what kind?"  Now more confused than ever, she walked to the back of the truck to be  met with the sight of neatly, lined up coolers.  "PIES!" he roared, as though she was just a little simple and hard of hearing,"WHAT KIND OF PIES DO YOU WANT?"

Now beginning to become unraveled completely, she pointed to the first two coolers and ordered a pecan and apple pie.  In short order a check was written and her visitor roared out of the drive with a shout through the window, "Tell that GODDAMMED SON-of-a-BITCH I said HELLO!!"

Her husband arrived home that night to the welcome display of homemade pies on the counter.  Pleased at his industrious wife he beamed at her happily, only to have her ramble on about how they probably weren't even safe to eat but she was scared not to buy them.  Shortly the story came out.  Her husband started out sympathetic, then chuckling, soon he was laughing out loud.  Between bouts of laughter he explained that she had just met Perry, the local character.

It seems the immense man had once worked for the vet who had lived in their house previously and was a great help since he could reportedly stop a cow with one blow to the head (an enormous feat since a cow's head is about the consistency of an anvil).  He had done various jobs, but was now disabled and supplemented his income by making and selling pies to the area residents.  In spite of his demeanor and looks, he was an excellent baker and his rounds were much anticipated.

The pies proved to be delicious and Perry became a welcome visitor--although he was always a little overwhelming.