Peeing on the Fence

Fall break for the boys coincided with a spell of beautiful fall weather.  It was a perfect time for the annual walnut gathering.  Each year the boys harvest the bounty of the walnut trees that grow all over the farm.  The walnuts are then sold to a local commercial dealer to become the delicious black walnuts that show up in Christmas candies and cakes. 

The boys arrived and were soon scurrying around gathering up feed sacks to hold the walnuts, baling twine to tie the sacks, buckets for collecting, and a couple of chunks of firewood to toss into the trees to hopefully knock the bounty down.   We set off for a promising trio of trees that grew in the fence line just behind the barn.  The first stop was to pick up walnuts on the side of the fence with the bred heifers.  We drove the ranger down the fence and soon everyone was tossing walnuts into the buckets.  The heifers seeing their usual feed wagon and buckets galloped over to investigate.  There is probably nothing more curious than a cow.  We were soon pushing cows away with one hand while we grabbed walnuts with the other. 

The boy's new puppy, which had joined us for the afternoon, wasn't sure whether to run or attack.  It wasn't long until she had backed into the high-tensile fence, touching the one strand that was hot with electricity.  There was a pop of electricity and with a squeal she jumped back, bumping  a curious heifer in the nose.  The heifer then jumped back and knocked over a half filled bucket.  The boys started yelling and chasing the cows away from the puppy and scattered walnuts.  When things quieted down, the boys decided they could do just as well on the other side of the fence.

The walnut gathering continued without incident once we were separated from our audience of cows.  It wasn't long until the little boys became bored with the job and started looking for more entertainment.  For a while we kept them busy tossing a stick into the trees to try to know down more walnuts, but that soon dulled.  I had my back to them, filling my bucket when I heard the older one say to the younger, "Let's pee on the fence."  "NOOO!"  I yelled, realizing that the fence had a hot wire and if they hit it right the electricity would travel up their stream with shocking results. 

Every farmer has a horror story about this electrifying event happening.  I haven't ever found one that admits to actually doing it, but they all swear that they know someone who did.  I'm a girl.  We girls just don't have a problem with such an accident.  We are physically unable to accomplish it.  (I also suspect girls probably wouldn't think to try it!) 

It seems that the guys in the tobacco patch, bored with the job of cutting or topping, had been entertaining the boys with stories of such activities.  Being little they had no real comprehension of what would happen and decided to try the feat themselves.  My teen-aged grandson and I explained that this would result in great pain and probably a loss of future children (my teen's contribution).  Satisfied that we had squelched that idea we returned to the job at hand.

A while later, I caught a flash out of the corner of my eye.  Turning I saw the older of the little boys attempting to spray the fence behind me.  Lunging I grabbed him before he had managed to make contact.  Startled, I shouted, "Didn't you understand that it was going to hurt like crazy if you hit it?"  He shrugged and wandered off.  Before long, we caught him trying it again, obviously deciding that the guys in the tobacco patch were much smarter than a grandmother and older brother.  By now, both my grandson and I were yelling at the obstinate kid and the walnuts were beginning to glisten in the sunlight from the spray.  (Where on earth did that little kid get so much water!)

Finally, in total frustration I threw up my hands and told my oldest to just hush and quit yelling at him.  "If he wants to do it then he will.  If he manages to hit it solid he probably won't die from it, so just let him alone.  However, I'm not picking up wet walnuts and staying to watch the fireworks!"  With that I picked up my bucket and started walking to the house. 

It wasn't long until the boys followed me up to the house--no screams, so I assume he wasn't successful. 

I'm not sure I'll survive these three boys.