Benevolant Dictatorship

We were old fashioned parents. I don't think the children of today would approve of the methods that we used in our parenting. I think my son said it best when he announced he was raised in a "benevolent dictatorship". There wasn't much doubt in our house that dad was the captain of the ship and mom was first mate. While we didn't really make them walk the plank, they were never sure we wouldn't if we could find enough water and a plank!

We loved our children but we weren't always loving to them. We felt our first responsibility was to teach our children how to be responsible adults. That meant that sometimes they had to learn that in society there are rules and they have to be followed or there were consequences. Sometimes the consequences were punishments that involved loss of freedoms or treats. Sometimes it was more immediate and physical.

Did we hit our children? Yes, but not in anger as an outlet for our frustrations. Sometimes the lesson to be learned has to be immediate and unforgettable. You cannot reason with a two year old about the dangers of crossing the street. However, he will remember to ask if an impression of consequences (a swat on the bottom) is in his mind. It's a lesson that cannot be taught gradually. One dash into the street could mean a fatality.

Children are all different. My daughter could be brought to tears and remorse with a stern lecture. She still to this day says that I "beat her to death with my lips"! Some children don't hear you at all until you physically touch them. In our house, mom didn't appeal to your better nature, she issued ultimatums. Were my kids perfect, hardly. Was I a perfect parent, only in my dreams. However, we did manage to raise two responsible, accountable adults who are doing a pretty good job of raising their children.

I remember one event that made a lasting impression on my son and became a family legend. I had come home from work and frantically cooked dinner. A challenge every working mom faces, to get a hot meal on the table before the kids have driven her crazy complaining of starving. I filled the plates and set them on the table. It had been a long, stressful day and the kids were being particularly skilled at getting on my last nerve. My son, with the total disregard for self-preservation that only a 7 year old can show, curled his lip in distaste and whined, "Wha-at is this? YUK!"

Something in me snapped! To the amazement of my husband and daughter I snatched up his plate and snarled, "You don't have to worry about what it is because you don't have to eat it!" With that I marched to the garbage can and scraped his plate into it. Husband, son, and daughter sat in stunned silence. They looked at me in total astonishment as I calmly sat down and began to eat my dinner. It was not my finest hour, but I did get my point across. (My husband confessed later that he snuck a plate of food for my son, so he didn't starve.)

Years later we were sitting down to dinner with one of my son's friends. As the food was passed around the table the friend was heard to mutter, "What is this stuff?" My son shot back, "Don't ask, just eat. She'll scrape your plate in a heartbeat!" The friend looked at us like we were lunatics as we all burst out laughing.