Your House or Mine

I had a wonderful mother-in-law and I loved her dearly. She was sweet, agreeable, loving and a great cook. Hidden in the middle of this delightful package was a will of steel. In all our years I never heard her complain or whine, demand or implore, or even get mad and pout. Yet, if she made up her mind about something it was a done deal.

The biggest family issue most newlyweds face is the decision of "who gets us for Christmas Day." The delicate manoeuvring to keep everyone happy and blend two family's traditions is a minefield full of potential explosions. Obviously, both families want to keep their special traditions and routines and want to keep their child involved exactly as always. Spouses are optional.

Hubby and I had discussed this months before the event and concluded that we were very fortunate since our celebrations would dove-tail perfectly. His family had always had their Christmas on Christmas Eve with everyone attending Christmas Eve services. Afterward they would all re-group at his mother's house for Weisboder and custard. In my family we celebrated on Christmas morning with a big family dinner later. The families lived in the same small town so travel wouldn't be an issue. Problem solved. We looked with pity at the other young couples in our college community who weren't so fortunate.

December arrived and we started making the final plans for our trip home over the school holiday. I outlined the plan to my mother-in-law and she smiled and said that would be fine, but to be sure and be at Aunt Elizabeth's by 12:00 for dinner. Huh? It seems the reason they celebrated their Christmas on Christmas Eve was that the family had dinner together at the aunt's house on Christmas day. I explained gently that we had decided that we would spend Christmas Eve with them but Christmas Day with my family. She smiled and nodded. "That's fine." she responded and I thought it was case closed.

Soon after during a phone call from her she gently inserted the reminder that Aunt Elizabeth would be expecting us for dinner. I again explained that we wouldn't be attending. I decided I'd better call Aunt Elizabeth and explain to her also. After calling her I was much relieved since she had assured me that she agreed with our decision. Plans were made to come by later in the afternoon for a visit, which seemed to solve the problem.

Then I received a note from my mother-in-law with a recipe I had requested. In it she again reminded us that we were expected for dinner. Each reminder was gently presented with no hint of accusation or recrimination. Just don't forget. I began to get a little stressed. "Do something! Talk to her!" I implored hubby. He just shook his head and suggested I explain it all to her again. Another phone call and gentle reassurance that of course she understood I wanted to be with my family for Christmas and they would look forward to spending Christmas Eve with us. I began to relax and think I had finally solved this dilemma. Then just as the phone call was ending she gently inserted, "We're really looking forward to seeing you for dinner at Aunt Elizabeth's."

The days were dwindling fast and I wasn't making any progress. Finally in defeat I gave in. We went to Aunt Elizabeth's for Christmas dinner.......much to her surprise!

I learned that day that water dripping on a stone will eventually wear a hole in the stone. I also learned that the art of passive resistance is an incredibly effective tool.

I also learned that my mother-in-law was an invincible opponent wrapped in warmth and love. I think I learned my lessons well from her.

My children will be home for Christmas!