Conference Calls

I have the privilege of serving on the board of a group of faith based nursing homes. One of the best "perks" has been getting to know the other board members, a group of caring, concerned, articulate, intelligent and savvy people. They represent a wide range of backgrounds including doctors, nurses, CPA's, CFO's, lawyers, accountants and other professionals. I'm not sure why I am on the board, but I think I may represent the common man. My main contribution sometimes is just a little common sense.

Over the past few months we have been dealing with a difficult time with one of our larger and oldest nursing home. This has led to several called meetings of the board via conference calls. Everyone is notified ahead of time and all the busy professionals carefully clear their calendars and instruct their secretaries (professional assistants) to "hold all calls". I, too, notify everyone that on this date and time I will be "unavailable". It doesn't work too well for me.

It seems that having Grandma "unavailable" means that all hell is about to break loose. You see every time I clear the house for my important call, the house seems to fill up with kids and disasters. One call took place on the day I had all the family for Christmas. It was the Tuesday after Christmas and most normal people were working in quiet offices. As the time approached for the call I gathered up my papers and went upstairs and closed myself up in an upstairs bedroom. Quiet enveloped me as the Christmas festivities with all six grandchildren reigned downstairs. I called in and as we waited for the meeting to begin some of the board members on line commented that for once I seemed to have everything under control.

The meeting began peacefully enough then suddenly the door to the bedroom burst open. "You can't have that!" "I had it first!" "Don't let that cat loose!" "GRAB HER!!" With that four little bodies hit the bed chasing a yellow blur that streaked past my face. The cat banked off the dresser and dove for the closet. Two of the grandkids went headfirst into the closet the other two headed for the door the cut off the cat's escape in that direction. Muffled grunts and thumps were heard, then a triumphant procession of cat and kids marched out of the room.

Stunned silence issued from the phone. "uh...are you ok?" inquired the chairman. "Yes." I replied. "We just had a hostile takeover that has been settled by a decision to cooperate in the achievement of joint gains. The goal was accomplished and all parties are unified through a successful venture."

I wonder if they will even let me know of the next meeting.