Toothpaste and Toilet Paper

Years ago when I first started teaching I taught a class to high school boys and girls entitled, "Family Living".  It was the time when home economics was just beginning to realize that girls weren't the only ones that would need to learn a few basic life skills.  This was a cutting edge class just being offered in a few schools.  What that really meant was that a few schools had young teachers fresh out of college who would tackle a class with little in the way of criteria.  The older teachers saw the pitfalls and left it to us "greenies".  It did, however, give us a great deal of leeway in what we taught. 

The course I developed dealt with a lot of the things that a young person on his/her own for the first time would need to know.  We studied such basics as how to cook simple meals, wash and make simple repairs to clothes, and do basic household chores--like make a bed.  We also got into some of the more complicated lessons of managing your life.  We studied mortgages, loans, payments, reconciling bank statements, and buying various items on credit.  I tried to keep it basic and on a practical level.  For instance if we were discussing buying carpet we not only figured the square feet and cost but how to clean the ketchup stain that would be sure to come. 

The boys, particularly, were resistant at first.  They were glad to eat but weren't too sure about learning to cook.  As the year went on they became more interested and a little less concerned about their macho image.  Since I was only a very few years older than they were the conversations in class tended to get interesting.   I'm sure older teachers would have been wise enough to steer clear of subjects they didn't think should be discussed.  Being young and mostly in love (at least for a week at a time), they naturally talked about getting out of school and getting married.  Being an established matron (I'd been married all of two years), I became a sounding board for lots of questions about setting up a house, getting jobs, deciding on chore distribution, how many kids, who handled the money, or should income be separated or kept jointly.

During one of these discussions one of the girls posed a question.  "What is the hardest thing about being married?  What makes you argue the most?"  They settled back waiting for my confession of our innermost secrets about money or conflict over families.  I thought for a minute then told them the truth.  "There are lots of areas of conflict in a marriage that can lead to arguing, fighting and sometimes war.  The one thing that I have found that will cause a breakdown in a marriage the quickest is who squeezes the toothpaste in the middle and who squeezes it at the end.  The second is who puts the toilet paper on to roll from the top and who wants it to roll from the bottom." 

They sat in stunned silence as I went on to explain.  "The big issues like buying a new car or dealing with a meddling mother-in-law, you will sit down and discuss, eventually coming to a combined decision.  However, the toothpaste is something you both share everyday.  Inevitably, one will squeeze from the middle, one will want it nearly squeezed from the end.  There isn't anything as annoying as hunting the end to the toilet paper in the dark in the middle of the night only to discover that you have unrolled a pile in the floor because it was on upside down!  Over time that little irritation will wear on you until one day you just blow up!  It's the little things in a marriage that sometimes cause the most frustration.  Compromise and giggle!  Laugh before you explode."

So the biggest dangers to a marriage are toothpaste and toilet paper!