The Drunk's Cure

For years, all of our vacations and most of our socializing took place at cattle shows.  We would spend a week at the State Fair, a week at the National Jr. Angus Show, a few days at the North American Livestock Exposition, and then a day here and there at other shows.  Usually the same group of parents and kids would show up.  The kids would visit and care for the cattle while the dads supervised and talked shop.  The moms doled out food, watched for accidents (moms always expect the worst), and caught up on each other's lives.  Some of my dearest friends were found in those cattle barns.

We were sitting in the barns one day when one of the wives entertained us with a tale  of how she broke her husband from coming home with too many beers under his belt.

It seems, in his younger days, he loved to go out with the guys and drink a few beers.  He would then stumble home in the wee hours and fall into bed.  His bride wasn't too taken by his activities or his buddies.  She tried pouting prettily.  Didn't work.  She tried pleading earnestly.  Didn't work.  She tried reasoning.  Didn't work.  She resorted to shrewish nagging.  Didn't work.

Finally the night came when he stumbled home, after a night of whooping it up with the boys, to discover his bride waiting up for him.  Smiling sloppily, as only a drunk can, he peered at her.  "Aw honey.  I just had a few with the boys.  It's ok." he mumbled.  She simply pointed at the couch and he promptly fell down and was soon snoring peacefully. 

Now this was a seriously pissed woman. 

She wanted revenge.  She wanted retribution.

She turned and marched into the bedroom and gathered up all the bedclothes she could find.  With arms loaded she marched into the living room and piled them on top of her sleeping husband.  Not satisfied with that, she gathered up the afghan and a couple of jackets laying around and piled them on too.  With an evil smile, she gathered up her coat and headed for the door.  On the way out, she turned the thermostat up as high as it would go and went home to sleep at mamas.

He reported later that he woke up in the night, burning up, and thought he had died......and gone to hell!!!!  

He became a "one beer" man overnight.