Hauling Cats

My son-in-law is one smart guy.  After all he was smart enough to marry my daughter, even if he did take her off to Iowa to live.  However, I will forgive him that since he also sired my two bright, red-headed granddaughters.  He is an industrious, intelligent farmer who is respected by his peers.  He is soft spoken and quiet but a mental match for my daughter who is, of course, very smart, too.  Enough about brains, because this story really isn't about smarts.

My daughter has a soft heart and a desire to please people.  Therefore when her mother-in-law asked if she would be willing to take a couple of kittens off her hands, she agreed.  After all they lived on a grain farm and had lots of mice snacking on the corn from the bins, machinery, and cattle feed.  So she took them home and began putting out a little cat food for them.  Now cats communicate.  I don't know if it is by telegraph, flashing lights or mental telepathy but the message went out that there was free food at the farm.  Soon she had a little company for her kittens.  Kittens grow into cats and they collect more company in the form of visiting tom cats.  (Don't ask me to explain it but if you are given a kitten it WILL be female.)  Before long she had three litters of kittens and was feeding 2 lbs. of cat food a day.  These kittens, who will be female at a rate of 3 to1, grew up and had visitors....and you get the picture.  Soon she is buying cat food in 50 lb. bags.   The cats get wilder and wilder because now there are too many to gentle and socialize.  Before long she is running a small zoo.

Her husband has been patient with his wife up to a point.  However, when he is knee deep in cats trying to deliver a calf he began to get a little testy.  Then the kittens took over the chute where he worked his cattle causing his little girls to wail because he was being mean to the kitties by making them move (maybe a little forcefully).  Soon the very mention of cats caused my quiet, mild mannered son-in-law to roar. 

About this time my daughter decided to come to visit for a while.  My son-in-law inherited the job of feeding all the cats while she was away.  Working on the theory that nobody really knew how many were in the barn, he decided that he would get rid of a few while she was gone. However since he couldn't catch any of them he was stumped as to how to go about it.  Finally he hit upon the idea of feeding them in the cattle trailer every day and then, when he had them all inside, he would close the door and haul them off.  So each day he would place their feed in the trailer and let them get used to going in it.  At first they wouldn't approach until he was gone but after a few days they were running over him to get into the trailer and eat. 

The day came when he fed them and slipped outside and quietly closed the door.  Running to the cab of the truck he started up and pulled out of the drive.  Down the road he went to deliver the cats to an unsuspecting farm he had already picked out based on the distance from his house.  Through the night he drove.  Arriving at his destination he pulled into the lane and parked the truck.  Hustling to the back he threw open the door, expecting wildly excited cats.  Nothing happened.  He looked inside.  It was empty.  Cattle trailers come with lots of slotted openings so the cattle can have plenty of fresh air.  I don't know what made him think that cats couldn't climb out.  He had happily sown cats down a 5 mile stretch of road.  Each and every one had abandoned ship on the way.

He drove back home with a feeling of satisfaction.  True he hadn't delivered the cats to the location he had picked out, but at least they were gone.  Whistling happily he pulled into the barn lot to put away the trailer only to be met by the glittering reflection of eyes.  His lights flashed into the barn to discover all his cats had beat him back home and were waiting for him to put out their feed.

Like I said, I have a very smart son-in-law.  He walked over, scooped their feed into the pans and made a mental note to buy another 50 pounds of cat food at the co-op the next day.