Aunt Doe

There are some people who will always remain larger than life.  Some by what they accomplish, some by events around them and some by just who they are.  One such person was Aunt Doe.  She wasn't any relation but in the era I grew up in all adults were Mr. or Mrs., unless they were close friends then you could address them by their first name, but usually with uncle or aunt in front as a honorific..  She was the mother of the local doctor and a widow for some years.  She was one of those people who always have time to visit with a child, however she was also one of those people you might not want your child to visit with.  She was notorious for saying exactly what she thought.  She was a local wit who kept everyone on their toes and laughing. To me, Aunt Doe was just my special friend. 

She held court each afternoon at the local drug store.  At around 3 pm all the women gathered for a coke and gossip.  It was an event not to be missed.  My real aunt, Aunt Anne, was graciously tolerant of our traipsing in and out of her house, until 2:00 rolled around.  At that time she would retire into her bathroom to begin the process of getting ready to go to town to the drug store.  We knew that any crisis from then on we'd have to deal with on our own.  Even my mother, who worked, would arrange her day to be on her break in time to go to the drug store.  I'm not sure if it was all for the fun or to protect yourself, but they all showed up. 

One day the gossip was still hot when a young matron rose to leave, saying that she needed to get home to start supper for her husband.  Aunt Doe looked at her incredulously.  "You're cooking supper?" she inquired with surprise.  "How long have you been married?"  The young woman responded smugly, "Nearly 8 months."  Aunt Doe howled with laughter. "and you're already cooking supper.  I was married two years before I cooked a meal.  I would meet Thomas at the door each evening wearing my most revealing negligee and ask him if he wanted supper or.......never did have to cook for two years!"  That was Aunt Doe. 

She's the one that stopped me from sucking my fingers.  I don't know how old I was, but old enough to have given up sucking on my fingers.  I would walk around when I thought no one was looking with my middle two fingers in my mouth.  Nothing my mother had tried would induce me to quit the habit.  Aunt Doe called me over one afternoon at the drug store and said "You know what is going to happen to your fingers if you keep sticking them in your mouth?  Well, I'll tell you.  See that old man sitting over there?  Well, he used to do the same thing and one day a big boy came along and slapped him on the back.  That caused him to bite down on his fingers and he bit them off!!"  I gazed at her in awe but didn't remove my fingers.  "Hey, Bud!" she called, "You come over here and show this girl your fingers."  The gentleman did as he was told (no one ever refused  Aunt Doe) and walked over.  "Hold out your hand", she ordered.  He did and to my amazement the middle two fingers on his right hand were gone down to the first knuckle!  I stood in total shock and slowly my fingers slid down from my face.  I never sucked my fingers again.  I might forget and slide them in my mouth but then the horrible picture of those two missing fingers would appear and they would come right back out.  Cruel by today's standards?  Maybe, but it worked!

Nothing was off limits for her.  She called the local mortician over one day to her table.  She had some instructions for him.  "When I die,"  she said, "I want you to be sure and get my very best bra for me to wear.  I want my Betty Boops to be standing high and proud when everyone comes to see me. "  The drug store erupted in laughter as the startled mortician beat a hasty retreat. 

When the time came however, we were all happy to see that he had remembered and obeyed.