Mama's Diary

My mother died when I was 20 years old.  It was way too young for you to lose your mother, not that there is ever a good time.  She was a vibrant, outgoing, gracious woman who was a good friend, great mother and loving wife.  Not to make her sound like a saint, she also had a wicked sense of humor and could tell the funniest, not always cleanest, jokes.  In fact I've always said that the only reason that my hubby married me was that she was already taken!

You know your mother is always a one dimensional figure to you.  She is Mom and we rarely get a chance to see her as anything else.  She is always there and we tend to think that she has always been just as we view her at the time.  You know what I mean.  She is always right, always on time, never forgets to do things, nothing is hard for her.....at least that is the way she looks when you are a youngster.  As our parents age (and we do, too) we begin to see that they have different layers and aspects than just the ones presented to us as youngsters.  However, for me, I never got that chance. 

That is until I was going through an old box of books and discovered that my mother kept a diary for a year when she was fourteen years old.  To my delight I was able to garner a glimpse of my mother as a young girl.  I read about parties she had held and movies that she went to see.  There were boys she had crushes on and girlfriends she was close to.  Her lifelong friend, Wickie, appears frequently along with the mother of a dear friend of mine in later years.  I had never given a thought to the idea that our mothers once had giggled and shared secrets together as we did.  The picture of a vivacious, outgoing girl began to emerge.

I read that she worried that her mother would find out that she and "Dud" were exchanging notes.  Understood her yearning to be old enough to date the older Dud.  Smiled through descriptions of seeing Dud at parties, movies, dances (they danced a lot), and the growing of young love.  Shared her pain when they "broke up" and Dud started seeing the older "Mary" (who evidently could date).  I have no idea who the much lamented Dud was, but it couldn't have caused her to mourn too long.  She showed a mature and realistic turn when she wrote. Also,it wasn't too long before Dud was replaced as a dancing partner by George.

It was a simpler time and yet not all so different from what I remember going through with my daughter just a few years ago.   Mother loved her mother but was sure she wouldn't "understand".  I guess that is probably just what my daughter thought, too.  Mother struggled with the restrictions set by her parents, just as my daughter did.  I'm sure my daughter thought we were way too strict and just didn't "get it". I also see the beginning of the strength and wisdom that my mother would show in later life.   I look at my daughter and I see a lot of my mother in her, especially now that my daughter is grown with children of her own.

 It's a comforting thought.   I can't wait to see how my daughter handles having teenagers of her own.